i should begin by apologizing for yesterday for my tone as it is not my usual nature to ramble on or divagate in such a notme manner and on that note i believe apologies would be a most perfect topic for today and though i have discussed apologies many many times in the past, the time has come.....what the hell am i doing?

Damn!

see? this is what i was talking about the first day. i think it was something about how people try to reinvent themselves or try to start over whenever they do something new.

Damn!

and i'm doing it again. any body who has talked to me, i mean actually sat down and talked with me knows i'm not like this. yes, i actually do use those big words in my regular everyday conversation. not divagate, but that's my point. i started getting a kick out of impressing people with my "big" words.

Damn!

i am so becoming that huge list of adjectives i wrote yesterday about status -- that i'm better than other people because i can use megalomaniacal and ethereal and diatribe in a sentence. look, i did it again.

Damn!

and if you think about it, who am i honestly going to impress by using those words? as if you'd come and visit and overhear people talking about me at a restaurant "oh that's steve. he said i was the epitome of pulchritude, whatever that means." if people don't understand the meaning or the uses of the words we use, what sense is there in communicating at all?

Damn!

and like i said before, by reinventing myself i'm just showing how i'm still not happy. and not like i'm sad cuz it's cloudy outside. i'm talking about how i'm not happy with me, and that i'm pretending to be something that i'm not, something i thought i could grow into. but happiness is not like an older brother's hand-me-down pants. it's something that no one can give you, that you have to get yourself. it's going to the store and buying your own damn pair!

oh well,it's the weekend. maybe i'll be someone else by the time i wake up on monday morning. yeah, someone else, as if that would make all of life's problems disappear.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 8:53 PM