sometimes there's nothing like a good swift kick to the nuts -- we're talking a soccer-style kick where the toes actually extend beyond the pendulous ornaments and you feel the collapse of your epididymis caused by the crushing impact of the ever-accelerating metatarsals

so this weekend was absolutely amazing and ranks among the top five of all weekends i've ever had. and much like the eye-opening experience described in my heading, you can learn a lot about yourself and others during your second trip back "home." going "home" the first time is kind of weird. you expect things to change, but you also expect a lot of things to stay the same. and while you're there, you want to know, well, what's changed and what's stayed the same. it's very distracting actually. equate your first trip "home" to two middle school girls who see each other in every class, and get on the bus to go home, scramble to their house, only to talk to each other on the phone for the next several hours. honestly, there probably wasn't that much that was worthy of such immediate sharing in those 5 minutes they were apart. but the second time is better, because you already know what's changed and what's stayed the same from the first trip. so you actually get to enjoy your second trip "home." during the second trip, you've probably had enough time to feel somewhat settled in your new environment. you've made friends, you've experienced your new city, you have new stories to tell.

and as lists are the only way i can organize myself at work, it would make sense that such a device would work in this aspect of my life as well. so here goes my weekend from start to finish Friday December 12, 2003 - Sunday December 14, 2003:
-- left work at 10am needless to say i was in the middle of making a 6 inch diameter eyeball out of synthetic skin that was supposed to be sent to Minneapolis via FedEx at 4 that afternoon. i basically dumped the whole project in someone else's lap. damn i hate when that happens to me.
-- drove along the beach on Pacific Coast Highway to my apartment you'd think that after driving a combined hour and a half on the same route along the beach everyday would eventually desensitize my love for the water. you'd think that, but you'd be wrong.
-- walked into my apartment hoping that my roommate was there and could take me to the airport so i wouldn't have to pay 10 bucks a day to leave my car in a lot no such luck. should've figured as much.
-- drove the 10 minutes to the airport with the gas tank needle penetrating the E-line like Ron Jeremy, i never thought i'd make it to the airport. a smart person would've stopped to get gas. a smart person would have left more than 30 minutes to be sitting in seat 17E. i am neither of these smart people.
-- made it to my plane on time packing like any real man would (ie just a carry-on for the weekend) i didn't have to wait in line to check in and get my boarding pass. not to mention the fact that the security lines were amazingly quick, and everyone seemed to rush out of my way as i glided to my departure gate with time to spare.
-- 4.5 hours in seat 17E maybe it's just me, but AirTran's flight attendants are way better than Delta's. and who cares if there's no movie, or the pretzels are stale, or the fabric on the seats were a little more worn, or the bathrooms were the same size as calista flockhart's pants. i don't think that stuff is worth the extra hundred bucks anyway.
-- waited to be picked up by one of the most amazing people i know when she showed up, it was the very informal chit chat that two people who barely knew each other would use to maintain a cocktail conversation. don't worry, things seemed back to normal by the time i left...at least in my mind
-- met another friend and headed out to the bars talking about industry standards, company spinoffs, and stock markets, you'd think that we were 40 year old bankers. still, i felt grown up even though i'm sure i seemed like an annoying little kid who wants to be part of the conversation more than anything else by throwing in little one liners of made up bullshit mixed with a little truth
-- drinks at the bar Neighbors in Virginia Highlands is one of those places that could be really cool on the right night. that night was not one of those nights. after a round of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, a rum and coke, and a Newcastle, the three of us headed to a friend of a friend's christmas party. ---- (by the way, for those who use xmas to abbreviate christmas, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING???? it's not friggin' CROSSmas!!!!11111)
-- drinks at the friend of a friend's place actually, a lot of drinks at the friend of a friend's place. and a whole bunch of our other friends showed up and we all hung out and it was awesome seeing everyone again knowing that i'd see them the next night anyway. and maybe it's just me, but anytime the two people who live in an apartment leave and ask you to make sure the candles are out and the doors are locked, that entitles your friends (who are their friends also) to swipe two bottles of Jagermeister from the freezer, right? it's like a closing fee or something. i'm sure there's an unwritten law somewhere.
-- getting called by the ex could only be described as awkward. apparently i was supposed to call some old friends, but when the first words out of her mouth are "i'm calling to yell at you for not calling us" it makes you kind of glad you didnt call them in the first place. not to mention it kind of pulls you out of the party mode...
-- going to a club for one who is not a regular clubgoer, i must admit it was fun to be there. i suppose i should first say that i drank at the party, but not at the club as to be able to drive home, thereby taking the DD position from another friend so he could enjoy the festivities as we had. i still had a blast.
-- driving home from the club maybe it's just because they're drunk, but when you drive friends home from a party, i think they really appreciate it. well, they say thank you anyway. usually when they're sober you don't get such a gratuity.
-- sleeping on a futon you used to own but left at the apartment when you moved out in exchange for payment of two months of power bills damn that thing is not near as comfortable as it once was. i slept on that thing for pretty much the whole of my last year in college, but damn! it was so incredibly not comfortable anymore. i'm thinking it's because i knew it wasn't mine, so that meant that i could complain about it.
-- waking up 4 hours later it's one thing to have to worry about waking yourself up after a night out drinking. but to have to wake up 2 other guys? damn near impossible. that's when you have girls go and jump on them. if that doesn't work, usually a knee to the crotch gets them up real fast
-- GT basketball game against St. Louis while i was in school for a 6 year tenure, i might have attended a max of 5 basketball games. but they're good this year (so far) so i felt compelled to go. and since the three of us are out of college and have jobs, it makes sense that we would want to pay for the $35 tickets down low instead of the $15 tickets in the nosebleed seats, right?
-- buying gag gifts there's an art to gag gift purchasing. it's all about shock value: either unbelievably over the top, or unbelievably plain and ordinary...nothing in between. initially i bought the largest bra and pair of panties that the local Target carried (44DD and 2XL for those keeping track at home), but the more i thought about it, the more i didnt feel fulfilled with my purchase. so i bought the smallest SpongeBob Squarepants boys' underroos i could find (size 3) which actually freaked me out a little bit. still not fulfilled, we ventured to the Poster Hut on Cheshire Bridge Rd, which in no way sells anything related to posters. it's more of an adult novelty/video/toy store. the things i bought weren't really that great (an adult version of Chicklets--use your imagination, a threesome windup toy, a rather fetish-y holiday card, and a piggy launcher -- which does exactly what it says (it launches piggies) amazing, huh?) but in any gag gift exchange, it's not about what the actual present is, it's all about expectation value.
-- wrapping gag gifts wow, i could not have had a better lead-in. the wrapping of a present in any white elephant gag gift exchange is of penultimate importance. as my presents have been swapped/stolen/exchanged/passed around more than any other present over the past several years' christmas parties, i took it upon myself to uphold my tradition and raise the bar. and if i can ever post a picture of it on here, i will -- it's that good. but if you're good at pretending and imagining things, i'll describe it for you: those panties and the bra i purchased at Target earlier? yeah, they went on the outside of the box. and while it wasn't really the purpose of me getting them, their final purpose was that much better. so take the taller-than-it-is-wide box and more or less dress it. stuff the bra (and the panties if you're into that kind of thing) and put a black Molson Ice shirt over the box leaving one flap up. endlessly search Maxim magazine until you find the perfect head to place atop the 44DDs ready to bust out of the watered-down beer shirt. we ended up with an amazingly gorgeous headshot of Katherine Heigl from the Girls of the WB issue a couple years ago. why my friend/ex-roommate had a 40+ volume collection of Maxim's i'll never know. but i am grateful. throw on a santa hat, and our most amazing present was wrapped. it was as if she was the gift itself. oh yeah, the other crap was thrown inside (piggy launcher, wind up toy, gum, and card). but it didnt matter. "she" was as gorgeous as any box could have been (no pun or sexual innuendo intended).
-- the party it's a party. like any other party. like any other party held at an apartment complex's clubhouse that has 50 of your closest family and friends and amazing food and a pool table and a shulbok table (the greatest game ever by the way) and a friggin' parrot pinata and beer and liquor flowing like wine. i didn't get very drunk, which seemed to actually bother some of my friends. but they got over it (ie passed out). actually, i just had a slow start and caught up around 6am.
-- sleep you can't really be uncomfortable when you fall asleep (ie pass out) after a party. doesn't matter if you're on a bed, or an air mattress, or on the floor. and 6 hours was way more than i was expecting, so that's a bonus.
-- after party/hangover food three cheers for Taco Bell!!!!1111
-- the airport first off, there's something to be said about hugs. i like 'em. can't get enough. and though a hug goodbye isn't nearly the same as a hug hello, well, it's a good feeling nevertheless. walking to the ticket counter, a pink ski cap comes rushing into view. it was one of my residents from when i was an RA last year in college. fall semester is over. good conversation on the way to our gates, and he's gone. with a little advice. i guess as long as they still ask questions or for my opinion, i'll be more than happy to give them my time. on a completely different note, my departure/arrival gates are always the very very absolute farthest from wherever i start or want to be. when i walk into a terminal and see people sitting at their gates 15 feet from me, i can't help but hold back fits of rage combined with jealousy. i shift my carry-on luggage a little higher on my shoulder, and begin my Everest-like trek to the end gate where there are no restaurants or bathrooms or Starbucks. can't a guy catch a break?
-- the flight home it was AirTran again. i already said everything i have to say about it. good stews, pretty bad everything else. but it's cheap. one of those college behaviors it'll be hard to break.
-- drive home only had to pay 9 bucks a day for my car, which saved me 3 bucks, so i stopped for gas. made me feel a little better about paying $1.75 a gallon knowing i had an "extra" 3 bucks in my pocket.
-- home home. my home. with my stuff. even though i still don't have furniture and sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor. but it's still mine. and that makes it good enough for me. only 6 hours of sleep until i had to get up to go to work. it's ok. i was home.

and in a nutshell, that was my weekend. there was lots of stuff i left out, like some of the most amazing dialogue you've ever heard a guy throw at a girl at a club, or a girl tell a guy to use to get a girl for that matter. and it may not be the most wild weekend ever, in fact it definitely wasn't, but after a couple months away from everyone, it makes me appreciate them all that much more.

and dammit, it's after 9 and i'm still sitting at work. eh, whatever.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 9:46 PM