will of the power variety, not the short for william kind

sometimes i'll find myself doing something anything really and i'll think about stopping just because hey maybe i don't feel like doing it anymore but i don't stop and i keep doing it and i actually start to push myself harder and i get my second wind and i keep going and then i think about stopping again and it's really just a vicious cycle. i suppose the best example as of late would be me on a treadmill. i don't like running for running's sake. if i'm playing a sport like soccer or ultimate frisbee, just call me wilma rudolph, except for the whole being a guy part. in any case, running on a treadmill sucks. cuz you're not going anywhere. and if you're not going anywhere, do you really need to be running there?

but i decided since i'm not playing water polo anymore and i'd prefer not to gain a post-collegiate cubicle induced fat ass, i should do some kind of semi-aerobic activity. and the beach is here, but i have a thing about swimming in the ocean. i don't do it. that's what pools are for. so i started running on the beach and i realized i have zero endurance. to tell the truth, i never have had endurance. and i couldn't sprint either. maybe that's why i quit the track team in high school. and cuz it's hard to clear the high jump bar when you're under 5 ft tall. but moving from point a to b on the beach is a requirement for living here. if you don't they'll kick you out. some kind of locals only thing. and as i have not yet acquired a pair of rollerblades, i feel the need to run. and if you run on the beach, you have to look good. so i started working out. i'm goin less for the bouncing chestsesses of pamela anderson and the slightly more firm pecs of david hasselhoff minus the lackluster singing career.

where was i? oh yeah. i hate treadmills. so i always want to stop running. but why should i stop running just because the countdown timer reaches zero or because i ran a distance that's a nice round number? and maybe my endurance is better than i thought it was, but i don't stop because i'm tired. sure, i'm all sweaty and breathing hard, but i'm not exhausted to the point of collapsing. so when i stop, it's because i'm getting bored i guess. and it just feels like giving up. it just leaves me feeling quite unfulfilled.

you might ask why i don't just run until i'm tired. why don't i? i dunno. i wonder how long it would take. hmm. i'll find out tomorrow. today is a lifting day, not a running day. i think it's best to limit that which disturbs you most (message o' the day). i still don't understand why people do things that they don't like. i guess if you have a good reason, it's ok. but a good reason for you, is most likely not a good reason for me. but if you only do things because i think they're ok, you have other issues.


- posted by yeah...about that... @ 5:52 PM