like a big gray swirling ominous cloud

it sits there, this weekend, just waiting for me. and whether it goes by most amazedly or completely pummels me, i'm anxious for it to begin.

i'm not a big fan of tradition. to me, just because something's been done one way for a long time doesn't make it right, or good. but based on my track record of wedding attendances with an astounding one, i think they are the sole exception to the rule.

important traditional events in my life:
going to church -- i tried, i really did. but after a while i wasn't feeling it. i wasn't self-concious about speaking in church. i never muttered through whatever it is people say, and i didnt sing hymns under my breath. i think it is more the idea that you can only be close to God or whatever in a particular location and with other people around you that bothers me. i've heard opinions to the contrary that going to church is supposed to be a celebration of your beliefs and not a limiter, but when was the last time i changed my opinion just because someone else expressed theirs? not trying to defame my parents or anything, but we only went to church as a family at christmas and easter. and only when the grandparents were in town.

prom -- i went my junior year. wasn't so great. kind of like a seeing a movie that's just sort of ehhh. so when the sequel comes out, you're not really keyed up to go and would rather just wait til it comes out on HBO.

high school graduation -- i talked to the guy next to me through most of the ceremony. i wasn't really interested in anything the speakers had to say. i never understood the history behind the ridiculous headgear you have to wear. i don't want to call it a hat. mortarboard?
mor·tar·board (môrtr-bôrd, -brd) n.
1. A square board with a handle used for holding and carrying masonry mortar.
2. An academic cap topped by a flat square.
tell me in what totally effed up language can the same word have two more different meanings? i bet it was a bad joke that no one else caught on to.

college graduation -- see above. sitting through a longer version didn't appeal to me in the least. i didn't go.

so as far as not getting caught up in big ceremonial traditional things, well, there you go. but not going to church doesn't prohibit me from believing in..something. i have faith. i'm not really sure in what the faith lies, but it's there for the taking. i have a high school degree. i got my college diploma mailed to me. i'm ok with that.

but my first and only wedding i've attended.....threw me for a loop. the ceremony itself lasted for only 30 minutes, but i found the whole thing fascinating. the only thing that kind of cheapened the experience was the guy next to me saying "pssst. five bucks says the groom cries when she walks down the aisle." i'm far from being in that position, but i could tell you right now, i'll be crying when my time comes. and smiling. i know i won't be able to keep from smiling. but i'll cry.

the wedding aside, this weekend will prove a little interesting: seeing some friends i saw 3 weeks ago, some a little longer than that, and some i haven't seen in at least 5 years. there's goods and bads about seeing everyone again, and the goods far outweigh the bads, but...we'll see....


- posted by yeah...about that... @ 12:40 AM