points of note

i'm pretty sure this isn't gonna help this kid get over his emotional troubles.

you know how when you run a marathon, you spend weeks training in shorter distances right up til the race? this was just his preparation for this...so when you see this, it makes perfect sense.

wish i had these when i was little. my favorite is Captain Underpants and the Big Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy PArt 2: The Revenge of the Ridiculous Robo-boogers.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 2:38 PM (0) comments

 
Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match - Karl Kraus

(insert building shaking noise here)
(insert building shaking noise here)
(feel a minor shaking in your seat)
(listen to everybody simultaneously ask if you felt it)

you have just experienced the same 3.3 magnitude earthquake i felt approximately 45 minutes ago.

here's the lowdown:

Version #N: This report supersedes any earlier reports of this event. This event has been reviewed by a seismologist.

A minor earthquake occurred at 11:17:18 AM (PDT) on Friday, April 30, 2004.
The magnitude 3.2 event occurred 7 km (4 miles) S of Malibu, CA.
The hypocentral depth is 10 km ( 6 miles).

Magnitude 3.2 - local magnitude (Ml)
Time Friday, April 30, 2004 at 11:17:18 AM (PDT)
Friday, April 30, 2004 at 18:17:18 (UTC)
Distance from Malibu, CA - 7 km (4 miles) S (181 degrees)
Pt. Dume, CA - 11 km (7 miles) ESE (103 degrees)
Santa Monica, CA - 19 km (12 miles) WSW (255 degrees)
Los Angeles Civic Center, CA - 41 km (26 miles) WSW (258 degrees)

Coordinates 33 deg. 58.6 min. N (33.977N), 118 deg. 41.2 min. W (118.686W)
Depth 10 km (6.2 miles)
Quality Good
Location Quality Parameters Nst=025, Nph=025, Dmin=10 km, Rmss=0.23 sec, Erho=0.5 km, Erzz=2.3 km, Gp=72 degrees
Event ID# ci10004657


- posted by yeah...about that... @ 11:58 AM (0) comments

 
what's with today, today?

today is definitely one of those days. you know those days. we've all had 'em. where the world's personal vendetta against you comes to light, and everyone you come across conspires to make your day absolutely horrible.

for starters, the wings were up 2-0 in the second period over the flames, and then, in a total span of 18 seconds, the game was tied. i was stunned. this ain't yo mama's peewee league. we're talkin stanley cup playoffs, and the team with the most future hall of fame players per capita's defense gets ripped apart faster than steve buscemi's character in fargo. 18 seconds! honestly....

going back for seconds: still cleaning up the mess from yesterday at work, but instead of making things nice and neat and smoothing things over, i'm at that point when you're on the teacups at disneyland where it stops being fun and you start feeling nauseous, that point where you realize things are just out of your control as you try to grab hold and slow things down. mind you, it's not an altogether unpleasant feeling, but it's not something i recommend.

day just got a little bit better: a dominating performance by the wings around the halfway point of the third period, controlling in the flames zone, sticks banging, bodies falling to the ground, a sweet goal. that taste i sense building up in my mouth is not the remains of the tv dinner i finished only moments ago, but the fruity nectar of victory. ay, there's the rub...

things on my mind:

tomorrow's friday. week went by super duper fast. i think what bothers me most is that the past couple days i've been watching the clock for the last hour everyday at work. i don't want to be like that. i want to be so caught up in my job that i'm surprised everytime 5:30 comes around.

i've been reading everyone's AIM away messages lately. apparently it's finals week. and the thing about tech students is that they don't really come out and say "it's finals week", but rather there's a unusually high surge of "i hate Tech" messages. one of the biggest changes i've noticed about myself is that i no longer have the school calendar body clock going on.

when i was in school i could always tell you how many days until xmas break or spring break or finals week. lately i'm lucky if i know what day it is. they all seem to run together. monday = make toys. tuesday = make toys, meeting, make toys. wednesday = make toys. thursday = make toys, meeting, make toys. friday = make toys. see? it's kinda repetitive, and if there's anything i hate it's something that repeats itself something that repeats itself. can't stand it. so i find things to amuse myself every now and then. so far i've created a plastic cat graveyard, the leaning tower of Nestle Quik bottlecaps, and a harem of very ugly dolls dressed in evening gowns and clown makeup. i've been toying with the idea of creating a new line that would compete with the hip, urban styling of Bratz or the classical elegance of Barbie. i'm going to make White Trash Bridget. now, i don't profess to be the best designer in the world, but if you ever pay attention, dolls have really ugly clothes.

yeah, that's about enough for now. it's 9:30 and i'm exhausted. this weekend i can already hear the beach calling my name. muy excellent times await.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 9:35 PM (0) comments

 
i shouda guessed. you spend a couple minutes flipping back and forth between channels, and of course the only goal in the game is scored, game ends, and sportscenter comes on by the time you flip back. watching 61* isn't quite the even tradeoff, but oh well, go Avs! way to not get swept...

you know that Friends episode where Ross tries to flirt with the pizza delivery girl, but really sucks at it?

that's me. except i wasn't really trying to flirt, so maybe it doesn't count.

at the company's bowling league night, my two teammates didnt show up. and on the other team, the only two people that showed up were an executive assistant and the "cheerleader" sales girl.

now give any other 24 year old guy a couple hours to kill with 2 young women, and i'm sure they'd be ecstatic. but after the day i had cleaning up someone else's mess, i just wanted to sit and not deal with anything or anyone. so maybe that was it. maybe i can carry a conversation. maybe i'm not so inept at making small talk.

but i hate small talk. it's like the girl who always answers the phone and asks me how i'm doing in the same sing song voice EVERY SINGLE time. call it a pet peeve. call it politely feigning interest in my well being. call it something people do because they think it makes them appear nice.

besides, when does anyone ever respond with anything but "fine"?
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 10:34 PM (0) comments

 
hold on...last minute of the san jose/colorado hockey game...sweet...intermission before overtime...

good help is hard to find

let me fill you in on the latest sitch: i've been at work for 6 mos, and my boss decides to take me up on my offer to handle a few more product lines. he gives me two more, which in product line numbers bumps me up from 12 to 14, but in effect doubles my workload. these product lines are so dependent on hitting short deadlines with tons of changes and kabillions of unexpected problems. he also tells me that one of the prototype people and i will work as a team to tame this wild beast.

turns out i'm supposed to train the prototyper (think more art school, less engineering background) so i'll be able to completely pass the product line for her to run, and i'd in essence become a manager. after a few discussions with my boss about the recent acquisition of a floridian toy company (we'll now be the designers for the reintroduction of cabbage patch dolls to society), i'm supposed to demonstrate my ability to lead a team (currently consisting of two, me and her) successfully while simultaneously managing my original 12 product lines. piece of cake. no...really.

the only thing is she made a boo boo. an international boo boo. except it's really not her fault. but everyone is pointing fingers at us (because we're a team). and guess who gets to clean up the mess.......yup.

so i'm thinking my promotion stock just went down a little bit. but when the vice president of my department asked what i'd do about it, he found no fault in my solution and even commended me on the fact that i was handling myself better than most would be in my position after just six months into the job. so maybe i gained a point or two.

it's just that having to double check everything the new person is doing takes longer than if i were to do it myself. so when dates get pushed back because she's messing up, it looks bad on me. and if a mistake slides through, it looks bad on me. while, at the same time, i'm trying not to micromanage and give her space and let her learn instead of just doing everything for her.

it's a crazy double edged sword.

and overtime begins....
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 9:45 PM (0) comments

 
When you are content to be simply yourself and don't
compare or compete, everybody will respect you.
--Lao-Tzu

my roommate is in new orleans for the next 4 days. he's speaking at a conference full of other smart engineer-types about mechanical systems and robotics. his new company, Northrop Grumman, is paying for it. he was on the varsity swim team in college, completed his undergrad in 4 years, got his masters the next year, and then got a job designing flight control systems for satellites in his company's Space Technology division. he doesn't like things done halfway. he doesn't like a mess. he irons all his work clothes. he likes "steve" music more than i do. he's always looking to get out of the apartment for at least a few hours everyday. he pushes his bed against the wall in his room because he likes open space. he would use his new grill to cook every meal for the rest of his life if he could. he does what he says he'll do sooner than you'd expect.

and i'm learning to be happy for him. i'm still learning after spending six years barely graduating college. and i'm learning that i'm not less of a person because i didn't graduate on time, or because i didn't get my masters, or because i don't have a job that deals with billion dollar contracts with the government.

and it's hard to not compare yourself to those around you or compete to be the best after i've been doing it for the past 19 years. i had to. i was 5 when i started kindergarten. two weeks later i was moved up to first grade. i was 7 when i started third grade. two weeks later i was moved up to fourth grade. i've had to compete with everyone around me, my peers, to prove that i belonged there. not only did i have to prove to the teachers that i could handle the work, but the hardest part has always been proving to the other students that i was just like them...when i wasn't. when everyone is 9 and 10, and you're 7, you're the slowest, the weakest, the last guy picked, the first guy out, the easy target for bullies, and never part of the cool group because who wants to hang out with the young kid?

my roommate is passionate about things. i never could be. i grew up having things i liked taken away from me everytime the air force transferred my dad, or when he retired from the air force, or when he got another job, and when we moved from house to apartment to house to apartment to house. anytime i started liking something, i had to leave it. i learned to be unsettled. first was the house where i was born on George AFB, then the house in Las Vegas, then the house in Alamogordo NM off base, then the house on base at Holloman, then the apartment in Garden Grove CA, then the house in Orange CA, then the apartment in Smyrna GA, then the house in Marietta GA, then Fitten on GT campus, then the first pink house apartment, then the water polo house apartment, then the Georgian Hills apartment, then Montag on GT campus, then back to Marietta, then the new apartment off Clairmont Rd, then the room i rented in the house in Malibu CA, then the apartment in Marina del Rey, and now the apartment in Playa del Rey. 18's a lot of places to call home.

i remember how much i cried when i found out we had to leave Orange and move to Atlanta. 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th grades. i had a really really tight group of friends. we were in Boy Scouts together. one of them taught me to play the trumpet. i saw my first rated R movie with them. we walked to and from school together and hang out every afternoon until my parents got home. and they were the 2 votes i got in the 7th grade student body election when i didnt even vote for myself.

i didn't know anyone at my school in 8th grade. playing my trumpet was the only thing i was good at. when i auditioned, i got 1st chair. the other kids didn't like me because i was the new kid. and not only was i the new kid, but i was the california new kid who did things the california way and not the georgia way. six weeks later, i was in a new middle school. not because it was so horrible i never wanted to go back, but because we moved out of the apartment we were in into a new house. it's bad enough going to a new school. it's even worse when you go to a new school and everyone's grown up together and after they've already made friends with the new kids. i was a new new kid. and i got by because in the big scheme of things it wasn't so bad. but i was 12, so to me it was that bad. and i could still play my trumpet. and i got placed ahead of some kid who thought he was awesome because he was 1st chair. so now i'm the new new kid who's 2 years younger than everyone else and has moved in on someone else's turf. it sucked.

and i shut everyone out. i was tired of being picked on and letting it bother me. so i said fuck'em. i didn't want to be hurt anymore.

my first girlfriend broke up with me. i didn't want to be hurt anymore. i've been the one to break up with every girlfriend since. i don't know that this part really fits here, but i felt the need to say it.

to kind of tie this all up, Lao-Tzu's comment should be preceded by "First you must respect yourself, and then..."

and in this space i was about to go on about how it was ok that i didn't finish school on time, and how i didnt get my masters, and how i don't have a big fancy job working on spacecraft....but that's just more comparisons to my roommate.

i'm still learning.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 12:21 AM (0) comments

 
high school, college, job, marriage, kids

that's the list my mom gave me to follow when i was 12. "don't stray from this path," she said. whether it was for my well being or her own ease of mind, she liked to repeat herself anytime i got interested in something new. and i've taken each step as outlined for me with no trepidation or hesitation or any other -ation words that have a doubtful connotation. high school ended, i went to college. because that's what you're supposed to do. stayed in college a long time, not really on purpose, but til i was ready to get out. worked a job for the summer. when it ended, a better one came along. easy enough.

something tells me the next one's not so simple. how am i supposed to settle down with someone for the rest of my life when i piss off people around me every couple of months? i'm not really sure.

but i've never really been sure about anything. call it true faith, or blind faith, or plain dumb luck. things work themselves out.

i was eating lunch with one of the girls i work with yesterday. somehow the conversation turned to the topic of my newfound interests in learning about business and my more frequent ventures into the kitchen to cook non-pasta/microwavable meals requiring a pot or two, the stove, the oven, and spices i never really paid attention to before.

she asked me what i was preparing myself for, and i told her i wasn't sure. and i'm ok with that.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 1:37 PM (0) comments

 
if you ever needed a vacation so you could relax after your vacation, you'll know exactly what i'm talking about

first off, Las Vegas is a fantastic place. it's even more fantastic if you have Scrooge McDuck's jacket on and find $100,000 in your pocket, but it's still fantastic even if you're wearing your own jacket.

second off, a weekend trip leaves lots of stories to be told.

third off, a bachelor party leaves lots of stories that can't be told.

fourth off, a bachelor party weekend trip in Las Vegas leaves the best stories that can't be told and is a wicked sweet time. i highly recommend it.

i spent the first few hours in Vegas by myself waiting for everyone else's flight to get in, so i took 40 of these and turned them into four of these, one of these, one of these and one of these. i totally think the best way to start a weekend in Vegas is to triple your money in 3 hours.

i didn't really explore the whole strip that much, so it's just as well that i'm going back for memorial day weekend. many more good times to be had.

anyway, i took a bunch of (generic, non-bachelor party) pictures so as not to break the don't-be-the-punk-ass-that-brings-a-camera-to-the-bachelor-party-and-takes-incriminating-pictures rule. that'd be a big no-no.

but the end of a vacation means tons of work to catch up on. i had 148 emails when i came in this morning. sometimes it's good to come home....sometimes....


- posted by yeah...about that... @ 1:03 PM (0) comments

 
a brief thought

ok, real quick because i still haven't packed for my 8:45am flight to Las Vegas that leaves in 8 hours and 35 minutes, and i'd really like to get some sleep....

i don't really know who's reading this, but if you have a job or are really good at pretending, you'll know what i'm talking about.

basic synopsis is as follows: just a regular wednesday evening at my company's league bowling night. we're in our 8th week, so less and less people keep showing up every week. lo and behold, one of the biggest of all bigwigs of the company shows up to bowl. having just been in his office two hours earlier, he strolls up to me and tells me it's been 25 years since he last wore white socks and bowling shoes. i don't know if i was more surprised that it's been that long since he's bowled, or that it's been that long since he wore tube socks.

so he starts bowling. he's got some wicked crazy form where he slides on one knee like he just scored a hockey goal. half the time i expected the follow-up clenched fist pump. one could say, for not having bowled in 25 years -- which i still don't believe -- breaking 100 was pretty good.

but what bothered me most was how a crowd of our employees slowly stopped bowling and gathered behind his lane and cheered for him everytime he bowled. everytime he left a couple pins, condolences were offered by a woman in sales. everytime he picked up the spare or got a strike, people cheered and clapped and shouted and gave undue amounts of praise. grown adults mind you.

he's the one i talked to for an hour about how he got where he is, the path that lead him there, and whether i could follow a similar path or i'd have to create my own. as far as executives go, he's real easy to talk to and doesn't intimidate you or anything, and i have complete respect for him.

but am i going to shout and wave my arms trying to keep the ball from going in the gutter? of course not. because that's ridiculous.

blatant kiss ups are dumb. no big fancy word needed here. they're just dumb. that's all.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 12:22 AM (0) comments

 
they don't call it good friday for nothing

woke up at 830, got to work just before 10, boss is on vacation, Hong Kong offices are closed Friday - Monday, ate a couple donuts, played with a Scooby Doo fishing pole for a couple hours, had a long lunch, took the afternoon off only to find the following on television all at the same time:

Chairman of the Board, Stay Tuned, Teen Wolf, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Pippi Longstocking, Sister Act, Death to Smoochy, Bio-Dome, Care Bears Movie, SpongeBob Squarepants, hockey playoffs: Montreal Canadiens vs Boston Bruins, Toy Soldiers, Double Dare 2000, Animaniacs, college baseball: North Carolina Tar Heels vs Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets

and i'm passing all that up to go to the beach. it's got to be the best weather since i've moved out here. besides, i gotta get my tan goin before i get to vegas next weekend. there's nothing that impresses the ladies more than a pasty white boy sitting on the side of the pool drinking something fruity with a mini umbrella in it....k, so there's a lot and it usually starts with money. but i'm working on that.....
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 4:18 PM (0) comments

 
deep breath iiiin.....and relax

as of late, chances to relax have been few and far between.
(left pinky goes here)----------------------this far---------------------------(right pinky goes here)

at first glance, that may not seem very far, but if you're a flea or some kind of flagellating protozoa, it's really really far.

moving into a new place isn't so bad. when you have a bunch of crap that you don't pay attention to when you throw it in a box when you pack, unpacking makes for an amazing brown box christmas. some parts aren't very super though. there's always the "growing accustomed to your new surroundings" phase. kitchens are the easiest, bedrooms definitely the hardest. maybe it's because i spent the majority of the last four months sequestered in my bedroom. a living room with no tv is anything but a living room. my new bedroom has an entire wall of mirrored closet doors. we're talking wall to wall, floor to ceiling. it's notsomuch something i like. to tell the truth, i really don't like mirrors that much at all. i mean, they're useful for reflecting lightbeams and such, but for actual looking-in-a-mirror-ness, i tend to shy away from it. i think it's kind of the same as my disliking being in pictures. it's not a matter of clothes being disshevelled or hair being out of place. 5 times out of 10 i only recognize myself in pictures because none of my other friends have a shaved head.

84 boxes recently made the journey from Atlanta to LA. 62 of them were mine. the day the moving truck came to the new apartment, i took the day off work and started unpacking. a week later and i still have boxes that have yet to be opened. apparently my parents had saved tons of old dishes. old ugly dishes. tons. it's like i just got back from a wedding shower in 1982. lots of browns and yellows and olive greens. big heavy pots. 10 tupperware bowls and 14 tupperware lids that don't fit.

work's gotten better. i think. anytime you get thrown in the deep end and you manage to stay above water long enough, they find a bigger pool with a deeper deep end. but that's good right? when your boss thinks you can turn around a sinking product line into something that'll make the company beaucoup dollars? given the situation, once october rolls around i think i'll be in a really good place for a promotion. and the vp of my department keeps suggesting i accompany him on his next visit to hong kong. can't wait....
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 11:54 PM (0) comments

 
this is me throwing some nails in a blender and seeing what happens

"sometimes someone somewhere does something and you wish you were there standing right in front of them to ask them what the fuck they think they're doing right before they do it and you're actually surprised that it's come to this and you have to laugh you absolutely have to laugh because it's so ridiculous......"

"stop. please stop. all this shit. i mean it...."

"i can't believe i'm about to waste my time writing about this, but it's just that my head is full of the crap you've been pouring into it, and i've got to let it out somewhere...."

"if only a person had an off switch that you could flip when you wish that person would just cease to be until you wanted them to come back like a little kid who thinks when his hands covers his eyes you can't see him so as not to cause weird paradoxes...."


these were several of the beginnings i had started to write for this post but then decided to abandon for one reason or another. but they all fit. and i really don't want to pay it any attention. like if i leave it alone it'll go away on it's own. but i know it won't. and it doesn't. it grows and grows. it's a childish game. and while i'm preoccupied everyday with activities geared for kids ages 5 and under, i'm really not in the mood to deal with your crap.

like it's some secret members only club without the dresscode. secret blogs are dumb. aren't all blogs secret until you tell someone? if you want to be free to say what you want, by all means say it. and if you don't want people to get upset over it, don't tell them wear they can read it. don't even tell anyone you have one. ridiculous. props go out to my cuz for not feeling the need to censor anything she feels the need to say out over the blogosphere. and she can't drive yet. i'd say i expect more from you, but you hate that word. that p-word. oh, that dreaded p-word. you're so damn full of p-ness, everybody sees it. when are you gonna do something about it?

who in there right mind has ever limited a friend to asking only three questions a day? who in their right mind takes that person seriously? hmm...probably the same person who believes a story about having your first cigarette at an nba allstar party.

damn, do you know how frustrating it is to have to be so careful not to tick you off by pushing the wrong button everytime we talk? do you? do you know how much it makes me want to scream everytime you take offense at the slightest comment as if it should even hold the slightest influence over anything you say or do? do you?serious...do you really?

i've said you can't run away from problems. no matter where you go, they'll always haunt you. you can't create some geographical destination that isolates you completely from all the problems. cuz it's still in your head. and for the same reason, time doesn't wash it away either.

it's amazing how sometimes you'll be talking to someone and you don't know what it is but the light bulb shows up right there above your head and you realize how fake they are. how absofuckinlutely fake the person you're talking to is. how they can stand there and tell you something and the poetic string of words begins to change to "blah blah blah blah blah blah" and so you start to laugh because it's so easy to see now and you wonder how how you got pulled in and why you never figured this out a long time ago. and the more you pay attention to it, the more you realize the paper-thin facade could come crashing down with the greatest of ease, and everyone would see the wizard behind the curtain.

i watched nightmare before christmas relatively recently. you are the mayor. you're in a position to maintain control. but you don't use it. you can't. you're not jack. and you know it. and the other face comes when no one's around. and the self pity pours out. if you had a guitar and a notebook and a pen, i'd bet you'd write great emo songs.

to think that you're alone. ...... i have absolutely nothing to say to that. no cornucopia of words to spill out from this keyboard could ever do it justice. it begs too much.

oppositely, there is so much to say. so so much.

consider the bridge en fuego.

tomorrow i'll begin collecting toothpicks to rebuild it. i'll be a while.
- posted by yeah...about that... @ 9:14 PM (0) comments